You know you’re a Floridian . . .

This recently arrived in my inbox. Don’t know who wrote it, but it says it all. If you need a translation, I’ll be glad to oblige.

You know you’re a Floridian if….

  • Socks are only for bowling.
  • You never use an umbrella because you know the rain will be over in five minutes.
  • A good parking place has nothing to do with distance from the store, but everything to do with shade.
  • Your winter coat is made of denim.
  • You can tell the difference between fire ant bites and mosquito bites.
  • You’re younger than thirty but some of your friends are over 65.
  • Anything under 70° is chilly.
  • You pass on the right and honk at the elderly, but pull over for a funeral.
  • You’ve driven through Yeehaw Junction.
  • You could swim before you could read.
  • You have to drive north to get to The South.
  • You know that no other grocery store can compare to Publix.
  • Every other house in your neighborhood had blue roofs in 2004-2005.
  • You’ve gotten out of school early on Halloween to trick or treat before it got dark.
  • You know that anything under a Category 3 just isn’t worth waking up for.
  • You dread lovebug season.
  • You are on a first name basis with the Hurricane list. They aren’t Hurricane Charley, Hurricane Frances…but Charley, Frances, Ivan and Jeanne.
  • You know what snowbirds are and you hate them.
  • You know why flamingos are pink.
  • You think a six-foot alligator is actually pretty average.
  • You were twelve before you ever saw snow, or you still haven’t.
  • “Down South” means Key West.
  • “Panhandling” means going to Pensacola.
  • You think no-one over 70 should be allowed to drive.
  • Flip-flops are everyday wear.
  • Shoes are for business meetings and church.
  • No, wait, flip flops are good for church too, unless it’s Easter or Christmas.
  • Sweet tea can be served at any meal.
  • An alligator once walked through your neighborhood.
  • You smirk when a game show’s “Grand Prize” is a trip or cruise to Florida.
  • You measure distance in minutes.
  • You have a drawer full of bathing suits, and one sweatshirt.
  • You get annoyed at the tourists who feed seagulls.
  • All the local festivals are named after a fruit.
  • A mountain is any hill 100 feet above sea level.
  • You think everyone from a bigger city has a northern accent.
  • You know the four seasons really are: almost summer, summer, not summer but really hot, and February.
  • It’s not soda, cola, or pop. It’s coke, regardless of brand or flavor. “What kinda coke you want?”
  • Anything under 95° is just warm.
  • You’ve hosted a hurricane party.
  • You go to a theme park for an afternoon, and know when to get on the best rides. (Space Mountain during the Electric Light Parade!)
  • You understand the futility of exterminating cockroaches.
  • You can pronounce Okeechobee, Kissimmee, Ichnatucknee and Withlacoochee.
  • You understand why it’s better to have a friend with a boat, than have a boat yourself.
  • Bumper stickers on the pickup in front of you include: various fish, NRA, NASCAR and Go Gators.
  • You were 5 before you realized they made houses without pools.
  • You were 25 when you first met someone who couldn’t swim.
  • You get angry when people say “Florida isn’t really part of the SOUTH.”
  • You’ve worn shorts and used the A/C on Christmas.
  • You know what the “stingray shuffle” is, and why it’s important!
  • You recognize Miami-Dade as “Northern Cuba”.
  • You forward this.

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